The Problem Pt. 2

     I plaster a large grin across my face, allowing the women to see my fangs for the first time. They scream, clutching at each-other and staring at me wild-eyed (A normal reaction, one I have come to savor). When they compose themselves a little, Kristi steps hesitantly forward.

     "Are you--are you a vampire?"

     I smile again, "Yes." (Pro-Tip: Let the "s" drag on a little, that really freaks them out) They scream again, but this time I detect something strange.

     "Are you going to bite us?" Kristi gasps.

     "Yes, of course." My broad smile falters a little. More screaming follows, but there it was again! Surely I am mistaken...

     "Are you, like, really old?" Gabby squeals, practically hopping up and down.

     "Yes, I was born quite some time ago." I snap, now thoroughly irritated. They both shriek together and now there was no mistaking it. These women are...excited that I am a vampire. Kristi is no longer hesitant; she advances upon me with devious purpose. I almost take a step backwards, but catch myself before I commit to the action. Then, that wretched female plasters herself against me and begins tangling her fingers in my hair! The effrontery! She forcibly pulls my face into her neck.

     "Bite me." She whispers. By pure instinct, I lick her bare shoulder (Pro-Tip: I prefer the shoulder to the neck, as necks tend to gather more dirt and sweat). She completely misinterprets the gesture, for at once she proceeds to moan, "Bite me!" over and over. Well...I have ever been one to please.

     Now, any vampire worth his fangs can suck a person dry in precisely 97 seconds. I pride myself on being able to completely evacuate the veins of the average person in 45 seconds. So it is that my tall and lovely victim crumples to the ground without a sound. Gabby had been watching with excitement while I did my work. Now, as I cast aside her companion like a rag doll, she screams. Well! My night just picked up. 

     "That's not supposed to happen!" She gurgles. I reach out, quick as a flash, and grab her hand. I slowly drag my lips across it, leaving behind a smear of blood.

     "I have no idea where you've been getting this information," I say, eyeing her, "But I can assure you that it is quite incorrect."

     "No." She whimpers, "This isn't how it's supposed to go!" (I must admit, Gabby was putting out enough fear to almost make up for Kristi's abnormal vampire fetish) She fumbles desperately in her purse, while I watch, amused. What will she pull out? A cross, or a can of mace? Neither would avail her against me. But no, it is a small, well-thumbed paperback. Feeling strangely uneasy, I pluck it out of her clutches, and examine the cover. It is the book, the hated book, the book of lies.

     "Why can't you be more like Edward?" Gabby sobs. I make up my mind then and there that this girl deserves special treatment. It's a good thing that the walls were sound-proofed, as things became very loud and very messy.